Over the years, I have found that experiencing life through the lens of Bowen Theory has added tremendous value in terms of the quality of my life experience. It is not necessary to be perfectly differentiated. If one can be less reactive to what goes on than others, one already has a leg up on having a different experience.
However, some of the common language used to describe theoretical concepts seems lacking in precision. The concept of “I” Positions is an example of this. I have often heard the terms I Position and I Statement used interchangeably, though conceptually they point to very different aspects of functioning. And for that matter, what is an I Position? I have commonly heard the phrase, “Take an I Position.” Am I taking something that conceptually resides out there somewhere, external to myself? And to where am I to take this I Position?
Following is an excerpt from Dr. Murray Bowen on I Positions:
“This is the responsible “I”, which assumes responsibility for one’s own happiness and comfort and well-being. It avoids thinking that tends to blame one’s own unhappiness, discomfort, or failure on the other. The responsible “I” also avoids the posture of the irresponsible or narcissistic “I”, which makes demands on others with “I want or deserve” or “This is my right or my privilege.”
Murray Bowen MD “Family Therapy in Clinical Practice.” (Chapter 10)
In my own effort to gain clarity and precision for myself, prompted by Dr. Bowen’s descriptions, I have come to a specific way of thinking about I Positions. I define “I Position” in my own thinking as:
One’s internal clarity regarding his/her own path forward in response to any given context or situation.
Further, I Positions must be affirmed through action (actualized). I seek to clarify what my own I Positions mean in behavioral terms. The primary method for communicating an I Position, then, is through action. This brings me to a couple of important distinctions between I Statements and I Positions:
| I Position | I Statement |
| Focuses on internal clarity | Focuses on the words |
| Communicated through action, whether spoken or not | Communicated through words, whether acted upon or not |
Additionally, there are key aspects of a solid I Position, as follows:
- An I Position is not just a technique designed to get someone else to change or elicit a particular response from others.
- One internally clarifies for oneself a path forward in alignment with one’s own beliefs, values, principles, goals and defined purpose, all in response to a particular context. It is a contextual application of beliefs, values, principles, goals and purpose.
- One communicates one’s positions through actions, and maybe words also.
- There is discernment regarding whether to verbalize one’s position or simply act on it without explanation.
- Others are afforded the same latitude to decide for themselves how they will respond in turn. No coercion or emotional ambush.
- Many I Positions are provisional and subject to change in the face of new information and perspective, but not subject to change simply because of reactivity from others.
With these distinctions and operational points clarified, I want to return to my original point regarding precision of language. A true I Position resides within me; within my capacity for thoughtful discernment based on a principled assessment. Yet, the phrase “take an I Position”, for me, places the I Position somewhere “out there.” The very simple language shift I use is: My Position. In situations that require a clear path forward, I simply ask myself: What is my position?
In Part 2 of this two-part article, I will take on the topics of discernment regarding whether to verbalize my positions, more depth on the provisional nature of many or most positions and responding to the predictable reactivity to clarity in action that comes from others.
-Stan Proffitt